While the whole family was driving in the car over the weekend my 3 1/2 yr finally had the opportunity to drive past his first dead skunk in the road and see what a skunk smells like.
After I explained what the smell was he said " No that wasn't a skunk that smells like mommie tooted!"
We all had a gut laugh!
Glad to be S.A.H.D.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
6 signs he’ll make a good dad
It’s no surprise that your dear old dad is on your mind. But if you’re also looking forward to the day when you can give your significant other a Father’s Day card, too, you might want to evaluate his parenting potential. What can you tell now about whether he’ll be a great father down the line? Check out these telling traits.
1. He treats his mother well. What kind of family man will he be? First look at his relationship with his mom. Does he respect her? Laugh with her easily? Enjoy visiting her? Help out with chores or errands? “If the answer is yes, all of this means she did a good job raising him, he naturally likes women, and will like the mom you will become,” says Wendy Allen, Ph.D., a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marriage therapy in Santa Barbara, CA. In fact, respect in general — to other family members, to kids, and to you — should be at the top of the “what to look for” list.
2. He’s selfless. What’s the number one thing you learn when you become a parent? You never come first anymore! So if you’re with a guy who thinks he’s the center of the universe, beware. For Jackie Baker, a Valdosta, GA, mother of one, it was easy to see she wasn’t dating an egomaniac when she found out that he’d spent much of his time caring for his 17-years-younger sister. “One of his major responsibilities was to take care of her in the afternoon when he came home from school,” she says. “He didn’t really go on dates or get to hang out with his friends. I thought, any teenage boy who is willing to give up his time for his sister is a great man. Even to this day he helps out with his sister’s homework whenever he can. I knew when I saw him taking such an interest in his family that he was going to be a wonderful father.”
3. He’s not easily grossed out. Surprise! Kids are messy. There are dirty diapers, vomit — and dirty diapers and vomit happening at the same time. Being a parent means getting comfortable with the eewwww factor. Good fathers are the ones “who jump in to clean up a gross mess and help out when someone else isn’t feeling well,” says Dianne Couris, an author and parenting coach in Oldsmar, FL, and president of Family Choices & Solutions, Inc. Christine Louise Hohlbaum, a mother of two, found this out years ago while on a tumultuous, three-hour ferry boat ride around the Greek Islands. Hohlbaum got seasick five times. “Each time, my then-boyfriend would take my barf bag to the front of the boat to retrieve another one,” she says. “As we pulled into the dock, I knew this man would make a great father. Childbirth and parenting would be a snap for a guy who can carry puke across the Mediterranean without blinking an eye.”
4. He’s a great uncle. “Nephews and nieces are the stepping stones to your own kids,” says Allen. “Does he call them on their birthdays? Does he make dates where he actually has to show up and take them to the movies or an amusement park?” Varina Caton, a Wilmington, DE, mother of two, witnessed such dedicated affection with her future husband and his nieces and nephews. “He would have his nieces and nephews fly out to stay with us,” she says. “He has always made a point of staying in contact with them. He sent some of them to summer camp because their Mom was unable to come up with the money. He has mentored them as they have matured, introducing money management (for obvious reasons!), job skills, people skills and most importantly setting goals. Because of his involvement with his sibling’s offspring I knew he would make a great dad, and he has!”
5. He doesn’t mind taking direction from his partner. “If a man resents being told what to do, then working with him on his children’s schedule and responsibilities could get tense,” Couris says. “Running a family schedule is usually [the mother’s role] and the father typically needs direction.” How can you tell if he’ll respond well to family life? Notice how he takes to your suggestions (“I think you should pack more than one pair of underwear for our week at the beach”) and how he reacts to your plans (“Don’t forget: Thursday is my uncle’s 73rd birthday and we’re all going to dinner”). If you get a positive reaction, you’re onto something!
6. He likes ketchup. And he understands the importance of blowing the paper cover off of a straw and seeing if it can reach across the table. In other words, he has a playful sense of fun, and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Those could be the most telling sign of all. You’ve got to have a sense of humor to get through life with kids.
Now, here are a couple of signs maybe he’s not destined to be the world’s best dad:
1. He can’t go with the flow. A good dad needs to be flexible, easygoing and not easily flustered. Having a kid means that dinners will get canceled, and vacations will be marred by bouts of the flu. If he’s the type who sweats the small stuff and can’t easily adapt to change, he may be in for a tough time as a dad. “I dated one guy who planned every weekend as if it was a military operation, and he totally blew a gasket if there was any fluctuation from his plans,” recalls Elizabeth Bach of Westfield, NJ. “He wasn’t so into the idea of having kids anyway, and I thought that was a good thing — he’d probably be one uptight, inflexible dad!”
2. He doesn’t pitch in around the house. “Any man who considers himself above anything… is going to have trouble serving his or her majesty: the baby,” Allen says.
Erika Rasmusson Janes is a New York–based freelance writer whose work has appeared in Redbook, Modern Bride and Good Housekeeping.
1. He treats his mother well. What kind of family man will he be? First look at his relationship with his mom. Does he respect her? Laugh with her easily? Enjoy visiting her? Help out with chores or errands? “If the answer is yes, all of this means she did a good job raising him, he naturally likes women, and will like the mom you will become,” says Wendy Allen, Ph.D., a psychotherapist specializing in couples and marriage therapy in Santa Barbara, CA. In fact, respect in general — to other family members, to kids, and to you — should be at the top of the “what to look for” list.
2. He’s selfless. What’s the number one thing you learn when you become a parent? You never come first anymore! So if you’re with a guy who thinks he’s the center of the universe, beware. For Jackie Baker, a Valdosta, GA, mother of one, it was easy to see she wasn’t dating an egomaniac when she found out that he’d spent much of his time caring for his 17-years-younger sister. “One of his major responsibilities was to take care of her in the afternoon when he came home from school,” she says. “He didn’t really go on dates or get to hang out with his friends. I thought, any teenage boy who is willing to give up his time for his sister is a great man. Even to this day he helps out with his sister’s homework whenever he can. I knew when I saw him taking such an interest in his family that he was going to be a wonderful father.”
3. He’s not easily grossed out. Surprise! Kids are messy. There are dirty diapers, vomit — and dirty diapers and vomit happening at the same time. Being a parent means getting comfortable with the eewwww factor. Good fathers are the ones “who jump in to clean up a gross mess and help out when someone else isn’t feeling well,” says Dianne Couris, an author and parenting coach in Oldsmar, FL, and president of Family Choices & Solutions, Inc. Christine Louise Hohlbaum, a mother of two, found this out years ago while on a tumultuous, three-hour ferry boat ride around the Greek Islands. Hohlbaum got seasick five times. “Each time, my then-boyfriend would take my barf bag to the front of the boat to retrieve another one,” she says. “As we pulled into the dock, I knew this man would make a great father. Childbirth and parenting would be a snap for a guy who can carry puke across the Mediterranean without blinking an eye.”
4. He’s a great uncle. “Nephews and nieces are the stepping stones to your own kids,” says Allen. “Does he call them on their birthdays? Does he make dates where he actually has to show up and take them to the movies or an amusement park?” Varina Caton, a Wilmington, DE, mother of two, witnessed such dedicated affection with her future husband and his nieces and nephews. “He would have his nieces and nephews fly out to stay with us,” she says. “He has always made a point of staying in contact with them. He sent some of them to summer camp because their Mom was unable to come up with the money. He has mentored them as they have matured, introducing money management (for obvious reasons!), job skills, people skills and most importantly setting goals. Because of his involvement with his sibling’s offspring I knew he would make a great dad, and he has!”
5. He doesn’t mind taking direction from his partner. “If a man resents being told what to do, then working with him on his children’s schedule and responsibilities could get tense,” Couris says. “Running a family schedule is usually [the mother’s role] and the father typically needs direction.” How can you tell if he’ll respond well to family life? Notice how he takes to your suggestions (“I think you should pack more than one pair of underwear for our week at the beach”) and how he reacts to your plans (“Don’t forget: Thursday is my uncle’s 73rd birthday and we’re all going to dinner”). If you get a positive reaction, you’re onto something!
6. He likes ketchup. And he understands the importance of blowing the paper cover off of a straw and seeing if it can reach across the table. In other words, he has a playful sense of fun, and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Those could be the most telling sign of all. You’ve got to have a sense of humor to get through life with kids.
Now, here are a couple of signs maybe he’s not destined to be the world’s best dad:
1. He can’t go with the flow. A good dad needs to be flexible, easygoing and not easily flustered. Having a kid means that dinners will get canceled, and vacations will be marred by bouts of the flu. If he’s the type who sweats the small stuff and can’t easily adapt to change, he may be in for a tough time as a dad. “I dated one guy who planned every weekend as if it was a military operation, and he totally blew a gasket if there was any fluctuation from his plans,” recalls Elizabeth Bach of Westfield, NJ. “He wasn’t so into the idea of having kids anyway, and I thought that was a good thing — he’d probably be one uptight, inflexible dad!”
2. He doesn’t pitch in around the house. “Any man who considers himself above anything… is going to have trouble serving his or her majesty: the baby,” Allen says.
Erika Rasmusson Janes is a New York–based freelance writer whose work has appeared in Redbook, Modern Bride and Good Housekeeping.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
If Kids Can Hear Promises, They Can Hear Requests Getting your child to listen to you is easier than it sounds
If Kids Can Hear Promises, They Can Hear Requests
Getting your child to listen to you is easier than it sounds
By Jim Fay
You can train your child to hear you the first time you say something. Or, you can train them to ignore you. Raising a child who listens to adults is a source of joy. Raising one who doesn't is a constant source of frustration and torment.
Our actions either train kids to listen or not to listen. Consider this situation I witnessed in an airport recently. Joshua, a five-year-old, was running out into the concourse
"Joshua. You stop that running!" called his mother. She did not follow through, so Joshua continued dashing in and out of a crowed of irritated travelers.
"Joshua. You get over here!" Once more, she barked an order, but did nothing to enforce it.
"Joshua! Get off of that!" Another order was shouted by mom and ignored by Joshua.
Suddenly, Joshua was right at my feet staring up at me.
Mother ordered again, "Joshua. You get away from that man. You come over here. Quit bothering people."
I looked down at Joshua and asked, "Joshua, what's your mom going to do if you don't do what she says?"
He knew the answer immediately, "Nothing."
Of course he was right. His mother had trained him to know that she would bark orders, but never enforce them. Why should he listen if he could do as he pleased - without adult interference - by not listening?
In fact, Joshua never had to walk back to his mother in the airport. She came over to him, held his hand, and apologized to me with, "I'm so sorry. You know how five-year-olds are. They won't listen to a thing you say."
It took a lot to keep me from saying, "I've known a lot of five-year-olds who listen to their parents. But their parents mean what they say."
Training kids to listen is not brain surgery. It's not complicated. Joshua's mom could retrain him to listen by first retraining herself to do the following:
1. Make a commitment she will never repeat herself.
Kids unconsciously learn how many times each parent will repeat a request before taking action. She can give Joshua the gift of knowing she will only say something once.
2. Be prepared to act.
She needs to be dedicated to making her child's life somewhat uncomfortable each time he fails to listen the first time she says something. This means as soon as he disobeys she goes to him, takes him back to his seat, and makes him stay with her saying, "How sad not to listen. Now you can stay with me."
3. She should never accept, "But I didn't hear you," as an excuse.
When confronted with this excuse, she should respond with, "How sad not to be listening. Maybe your ears will get better." It is important she says this without sarcasm and follows through with the consequences of not listening.
4. Be prepared for Joshua to have a fit about not getting his way.
Even though this will be uncomfortable, other adults around her will secretly applaud her courage and willingness to put forth the efforts to raise a well-behaved child.
5. Get ready to enjoy a more responsible and happier child.
I have worked with kids and families for 47 years. During that time I have never met a child who failed to hear a parent's promise. They always hear promises the first time. I've also learned their ears work the same way for requests when parents learn and follow the four steps I've outlined.
Training and expecting kids to listen is one of a parent's greatest gifts. It's the Love and Logic way.
Jim Fay is the co-founder of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO, and co-author of the best-selling book, Parenting With Love and Logic. For more information about Love and Logic parenting and teaching techniques, call 800-338-4065.
Getting your child to listen to you is easier than it sounds
By Jim Fay
You can train your child to hear you the first time you say something. Or, you can train them to ignore you. Raising a child who listens to adults is a source of joy. Raising one who doesn't is a constant source of frustration and torment.
Our actions either train kids to listen or not to listen. Consider this situation I witnessed in an airport recently. Joshua, a five-year-old, was running out into the concourse
"Joshua. You stop that running!" called his mother. She did not follow through, so Joshua continued dashing in and out of a crowed of irritated travelers.
"Joshua. You get over here!" Once more, she barked an order, but did nothing to enforce it.
"Joshua! Get off of that!" Another order was shouted by mom and ignored by Joshua.
Suddenly, Joshua was right at my feet staring up at me.
Mother ordered again, "Joshua. You get away from that man. You come over here. Quit bothering people."
I looked down at Joshua and asked, "Joshua, what's your mom going to do if you don't do what she says?"
He knew the answer immediately, "Nothing."
Of course he was right. His mother had trained him to know that she would bark orders, but never enforce them. Why should he listen if he could do as he pleased - without adult interference - by not listening?
In fact, Joshua never had to walk back to his mother in the airport. She came over to him, held his hand, and apologized to me with, "I'm so sorry. You know how five-year-olds are. They won't listen to a thing you say."
It took a lot to keep me from saying, "I've known a lot of five-year-olds who listen to their parents. But their parents mean what they say."
Training kids to listen is not brain surgery. It's not complicated. Joshua's mom could retrain him to listen by first retraining herself to do the following:
1. Make a commitment she will never repeat herself.
Kids unconsciously learn how many times each parent will repeat a request before taking action. She can give Joshua the gift of knowing she will only say something once.
2. Be prepared to act.
She needs to be dedicated to making her child's life somewhat uncomfortable each time he fails to listen the first time she says something. This means as soon as he disobeys she goes to him, takes him back to his seat, and makes him stay with her saying, "How sad not to listen. Now you can stay with me."
3. She should never accept, "But I didn't hear you," as an excuse.
When confronted with this excuse, she should respond with, "How sad not to be listening. Maybe your ears will get better." It is important she says this without sarcasm and follows through with the consequences of not listening.
4. Be prepared for Joshua to have a fit about not getting his way.
Even though this will be uncomfortable, other adults around her will secretly applaud her courage and willingness to put forth the efforts to raise a well-behaved child.
5. Get ready to enjoy a more responsible and happier child.
I have worked with kids and families for 47 years. During that time I have never met a child who failed to hear a parent's promise. They always hear promises the first time. I've also learned their ears work the same way for requests when parents learn and follow the four steps I've outlined.
Training and expecting kids to listen is one of a parent's greatest gifts. It's the Love and Logic way.
Jim Fay is the co-founder of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO, and co-author of the best-selling book, Parenting With Love and Logic. For more information about Love and Logic parenting and teaching techniques, call 800-338-4065.
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